She’s Got A Way
Mother’s Day, on a long drive home in the dark, I looked in the rear view mirror at my oldest daughter to see her usual bright and shining light. She’s Got A Way came on the radio. As i listened to the lyrics I realized Billy Joel was singing about my daughter.
She’s got a way about her
I don’t know what it is
But I know that I can’t live without her
She’s got a way of pleasin’
I don’t know why it is
But there doesn’t have to be a reason anywhere
She’s got a smile that heals me
I don’t know what it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me
She’s got a way of talkin’
I don’t know why it is
But it lifts me up when we are walkin’ anywhere
She comes to me when I’m feelin’ down
Inspires me without a sound
She touches me and I get turned around
She’s got a way of showin’
How I make her feel
And I find the strength to keep on goin’
She’s got a light around her
And ev’rywhere she goes a million
Dreams of love surround her ev’rewhere
She comes to me when I’m feelin’ down
Inspires me without a sound
She touches me, I get turned around
She’s got a smile that heals me
I don’t know why it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me
She’s got a way about her
I don’t know what it is
But I know that I can’t live without her any way
Since before I became a Mother I’ve always struggled with answering the question “So what do you do?”. I never did anything that I felt proud enough to answer. I never really felt like I had a calling, and I hated that question. It made me feel like I really wasn’t much of anything. Most people define themselves by their career aspirations, and I never had that “aha” moment of clarity about who I was. I’ve searched for it since I graduated high school. How could all those people entering college know who they are already? It never got easier.
When I became a Mother I still answered that question at parties with “I’m a Realtor”, not really proud enough to tell people that my main job was being a Mother. Three years into Motherhood I realized that I was proud of my job. I don’t remember the exact moment that it happened, but I was at a party recently and realized my answer to the question was now “I’m a Mom”. Now when you tell someone that you’re a Mom, you get few questions, if any. Maybe you get asked how many you have, or what age, but that’s about it. I don’t know if that’s because people find being a Mother boring, or if they just assume I’m drinking rum and cokes all day while watching Days Of Our Lives in my dirty sweat pants. The dirty sweat pants part is probably accurate. 🙂
Answering honestly made me look at myself honestly. No, I don’t really have a calling other than being a Mom – at least for now. Being a Mom has taught me more in three years than a lifetime of learning and experiences. It’s made my skin very thick, but also made my heart soft and warm. It’s forced me to look at who I am, who I want to be, and who I want my children to be. It’s forced me to question every relationship in my life and its validity or value. I live my life more honestly than I ever have.
So here I am, watching my daughter in the back seat, when I realize that what makes her magic has nothing to do with her career aspirations. Her magic is what makes people fall in love. It’s not about your goals, your career or “what you do”. It’s simply about magic. It’s what made me fall in love with my husband on the night I met him, and it’s what makes me love my children every single day.
And as she sat there in the back seat, Billy Joel sang this song about my daughter. I realized she had given me the best gift I could ever receive for Mother’s Day, and she didn’t even know she gave it to me. She gave me back my magic. She reminded me that I am many things, but that no single one of those things defines me. Just when you think you’ve fit me into a box, I will magically appear in another. What I do is give and receive love, moment to moment, on a daily basis. That’s about the only thing I’m sure that I will do the rest of my life. That, and be a Mother.